FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
