This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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