thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
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