well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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