This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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