Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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