just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
