Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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