Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
