Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Actions speak louder than pants.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize