some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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