Jerry, you need to find god
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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