I cannot find my penis.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
