like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
