I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
