You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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