and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
