Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
