I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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