I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
