My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
