His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm having to shit out rocks
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
