woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
