So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
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