Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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