So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
