Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize