Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
