There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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