My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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