ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
