So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
