So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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