Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize