margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
