Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
