I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
