Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
