When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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