its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
