Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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