:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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