After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
