So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
