I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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