It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
