The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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