all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
