apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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