There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
