He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
