Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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