Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
