**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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