I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
