is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
