I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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