You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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