i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
