How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
