You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
