That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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