well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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