Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
