I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
