Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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