don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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