his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
