just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
