i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
