I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
