my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
