What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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