He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
