Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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