you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
