i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
