Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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