you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
