I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
