Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
