He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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