thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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