Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
