Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
