oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
