im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
