Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize