im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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