I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
