yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
this hospital has no fireball
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
