Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
