wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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