Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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