bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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