i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
