walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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